So, anyway... the search continues. :P
http://djay.web.wesleyan.edu/
This... sounds... right, quite honestly. I don't feel sexual attraction (whatever that is) towards guys--but I don't feel it towards girls either. And yet I don't know if I should run around calling myself asexual from now on, because I don't know if it's just because I'm too young, not experienced enough... But common sense tells me that considering I started my period at 12, I'm turning 17 this May, and I'm well over with my teenage growth spurt, that I've done the puberty thing. And if you don't start to experience sexual feelings during puberty, when the hell do you?

It's really rather frustrating...my mind tells me I should wait, but my emotions tell me I want to know, and fuck all these uncertainties.

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 03:26 p.m., Friday, April 19, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

Well, THIS happened, actually. XD XD XD

A DOMAIN, with WEBSPACE, and CGI, and NIFTY THINGS, and it is ALLLLLLLLL MIIIIIIIIIIIINE~~

XD I'm happy.

This blog will probably move there eventually. If I can set up Greymatter or something over there.

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 10:02 a.m., Saturday, April 13, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

And then the good news: I was surprised to discover today that I made it into the National Honor Society! XD XD I didn't think I was going to, since no one had contacted me about it or anything... but we had a schoolwide assembly in the gym this afternoon, and last year's NHS seniors came up into the audience and picked out the 12 juniors who qualified, and I was one of them. Made my day, lemme tell ya. XD

Oh, and, uh, the really pretty part. Right. Well, uh... Magus is really pretty, and Crono's really pretty, er, and they're really pretty together. So there you go. :3;;

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 03:57 p.m., Monday, April 8, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

Do y'know, the only thing I've been listening to lately is the trance station on Digitally Imported? I think I'm addicted... XD

Mmm. Had to stop typing to watch my sister play through the FFVIII scene at Deling City where Edea takes Seifer. Pure Almasy-mindfuck goodness. n_n I love seeing him confused/weakened and childlike/mind controlled... LOL, I have this thing when it comes to my favorite characters...

Ooh, I wanna go read FFVIII fic now. Hope I can find another good Squall/Seifer.

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 07:18 p.m., Tuesday, April 2, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

Fare thee well, GIA.

We'll miss you.

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 04:37 p.m., Monday, April 1, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

Well, I've been browsing around Aestheticism lately (which, incidentally, makes me itch for some Crono/Magus... that shounen ai fic may actually get written sometime soon), and ironically enough, it led me not to a yaoi anime, but to a yuri one. Oniisama E ("To Oniisama*") has me very curious, and I'd really like to see it... Unfortunately, it's pretty old and rare, so I think I'm going to be out of luck finding a place to d/l the anime or manga. If anyone stumbles across it, please be sure to drop me a line... Preferably I'd like a version translated from the original Japanese, not the Italian or French versions (which I'm told have been censored); but I'll take whatever I can get.

*"Oniisama" doesn't translate very well. 'Sama' is a suffix denoting profound respect. 'Onii' literally is 'older brother', but in Japan, young people often call the mentors, role models, etc. in their life by something similar to this (e.g. Niichan, Oniichan, Oniisan when addressing males, Neechan, Oneechan, Oneesan, Oneesama for females) whether the person is actually related to them or not.

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 07:22 p.m., Wednesday, March 27, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

So, have you heard about the RIAA's newest travesty yet? You will pretty soon if you ever listen to online radio. Check this out... I am so tired of the music industry. No domestic video game OSVs, and now all this business with copy-protected CDs, and the legislation on low-frequency radio, and this maneuver that will pretty much kill Internet streaming radio... Now more than ever, our music business could really use some reform.

Well, before you lose the chance entirely, go listen to Tag's Trance Trip. Or if that doesn't strike your fancy, there's probably something on Shoutcast or Live365 that would be more to your taste. See, THIS is why I love Internet radio. The diversity. XD

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 03:46 p.m., Tuesday, March 26, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

I found a ROCK/FORTE PAGE!!!!!!!!!! XD XD

*dies of happiness*

The site author draws Forte as *gag* blonde, though... ...oh well. IT'S A ROCK/FORTE PAGE XD XD XD

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 08:59 p.m., Monday, March 18, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

... I really hate this.

I just deleted the subject and the first paragraph of my journal entry, because they were about something that might make a friend embarrassed or angry. Y'know, on the one hand, it's nice to have people read my journal. But on the other hand, goddammit, it's a journal. I am supposed to put down all my thoughts in here, no matter how personal or offensive. That's the point. But whenever I put something that might concievably offend anybody in the smallest way, I ALWAYS hear about it. And guess what? I NEVER hear about anything else. Other than that, people almost never comment on my journal or anything in it. It might as well not exist until I offend somebody with my supposedly sacrosanct thoughts. I don't think that's very fair.

But then, I'm sure nobody'll have anything to say about that, either. It's all right. I'm used to being ignored until I do something wrong. It's the exact same way in real life.

Oh, and BTW, read this. I agree with most everything said. Thank Goddess there are a few other people in America who think that our current leaders are acting like a bunch of idiots with this war business... Not that anybody will listen to us, but it makes me feel better. :P

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 08:33 p.m., Tuesday, March 12, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

Well, I had a sucky trip up to the city. Dad said we'd eat at Souper Salad--we ate at Cracker Barrel. Dad said we'd go to the mall--we went to a new shopping center. (The difference is, malls actually have stuff worth buying. Shopping centers are, in my experience, almost all clothing stores, and this one was no different. At least it had a Borders, though.) It would've been a half decent trip, I guess, except I'd been promised something better. I keep telling myself, I'm not depressed, I just had a nasty day. o.o

"Uchuu Shoujo ReIE" (the story I'm trying to write in my Deadjournal) is turning out a bit more serious than I'd thought it would. Tetsuya turned into a gothboi crossdresser on the ride back home from the city. n_n; But that's all right, he should be interesting to try and portray... There's an awful lot of me reflected in both Tetsuya and ReIE.

Oh, and I finally have a correct URL for Iris's blog!! Woohoo! :D I haven't talked to Iris in forever... sigh.

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 10:39 p.m., Saturday, March 9, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

I've had "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World stuck in my head almost constantly for the past couple days. I think it's partially responsible for my improved mood as of late. ;) Excellent song.

Soooooooooo. Being the nut that I am, I started a second journal; this one's being devoted exclusively to 1) writing, 2) random weird stuff. You may wonder what'll go here on the Daily Nonsense now, since random weird stuff is all I ever post XD but it'll probably stay about the same. My new Deadjournal is going to be mostly for poetry and prose snippets. (Yes, that is a takeoff of LiveJournal--DJ's service is almost exactly the same. Yes, I already do have a LJ, so I could've just gone back to using it, since I wouldn't have to worry about getting a recommendation to start a new account. But having a "Dead"journal instead of a Live one is a matter of attitude. ;D)

Well, my future as an aikidoka is looking in peril lately... x.x Randy-sensei got a new job, and his schedule's all wonky, which means he might not be able to teach. *sigh* Oh well. It was an interesting idea, anyway.

I've gone into one of my "realistic" phases lately. I alternate periods where I'm over-aware of the world around me, and periods where I don't wanna have anything to do with it and retreat into fictional worlds... Half the time I'm a nerd and half the time a liberal. ;) My playing time at MahouMUCK is suffering accordingly. I feel kinda bad that Snape's never around; and to be honest, if there was a way to hand the part over to another person, at this point I would do so. It'd be the best arrangement for me, and the most respectful to the other MUCKers... but I'm too chicken to go tell a wiz I wanna quit, I guess. :P

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 05:50 p.m., Thursday, March 7, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

Lately I can't seem to summon up enthusiasm about anything. I'm just bored. Period. Even messing around on the Internet isn't near as much fun as it used to be--it's too much of a routine, and I've gotten myself into too many responsibilities online for it to be just an enjoyable hobby any more. And really, quite honestly, the Internet has been my main pleasure and creative outlet for YEARS now. I imagine I would either be really depressed or would've killed myself by now if I didn't have a place like this to express myself, 'cos I sure as hell can't do it in the real world.

But it's not as fun any more. Nothing's as fun any more.

I hate being so damn jaded. I wish I could go back to those days where I was writing cheesy crossover fics, embarrassing myself with my roleplay characters, and having shitloads of fun while I was at it. Because lately, what I have isn't enough for me... all I do is sit around and mope about the freedoms I don't have.

Pardon me for wallowing in self-pity for a second, but my life sucks. There, I said it. Now I can go back to pretending again.

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 3:33 p.m., Monday, March 4, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

:P

Note to self... check out some Abandoned Pools MP3s. I keep hearing clippage of their single on MTV and it's pretty good...

Our PE class went bowling today, so my wrist is practically non-mobile. And I have aikido in about half an hour. WONDERFUL. -_-;;

BTW... this page is adorable. And I want that black cat jacket. XD

Edit at 7:52 PM
I don't like to add more than one entry a day, so since I have more to add, I'll do it like this.

Been looking around MP3.com. Commercialized, yes, but neat place. Streaming J-pop. *_* B'z. *_* Alternative everything. *_* HEAVEN. XD Listening to random Goth stuff right now.

And I finally decided to try out cafepress.com... if you don't actually buy anything that's fine (I'm not making any money off this anyway), but please take a look and tell me what you think of my designs. :)

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 3:53 p.m., Friday, March 1, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

Today was my first time at aikido practice. I didn't really do anything; I just stood back and watched sensei and the students (all three of them) practice. Monday's the next session, and I plan to actually do something then, now that I've seen what it's like. I'm sure my IRL friend's happy that I want to try... he really wanted me to come practice with him. ^_^

Blah. I can't think of anything else to say, so I'm gone. Have a good weekend, everybody. n_n

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 6:36 p.m., Friday, February 22, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

I feel a little bad that I'm letting down my fellow RPers lately. I have to admit that I've kind of been avoiding MahouMUCK because of an RP I have yet to finish with Sirius's player. I have no idea why this should be, but for some reason I keep avoiding signing on. I've been on a lot less lately because of it. I really don't understand why... ^^; And the other person I've let down is Rya... namely because I pretty much spoiled whatever RPing we could've gotten done tonight. I know she won't hold it against me, but I just feel bad because we probably could've gotten something done if not for my "not being in the mood". I don't know what the hell kind of mood I'm in right now, really. I've been weirding myself out the past couple days. I sound kinda depressed or something. x.o;

I've gotten stuck in both Okage and Final Fantasy X. In the former, I can't find where the muscle-bound fake Evil King ran off to; and in the latter, Seymour and his lackies keep kicking my butt at Macalania Temple. It's kind of annoying.

Look, I blogged two days in a row. It's a miracle. :P

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 9:55 p.m., Thursday, February 21, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

But it disappointed me to see what some people seem to have made of the concept. Soulbonding is about creations that have in some sense been made real--NOT about satisfying your every weird whim and generally acting like an idiot. I'm ashamed to call myself a fangirl (and most especially, a shounen ai fangirl) after reading about what some of them have been passing off as "soulbonds". ...And I'm also disgusted to read about some person's fantasy of gay guys getting pregnant. That's just WEIRD. o_o;;;;

And I feel like going off on a tangent here... I feel disgraced as a SBer, almost, y'know. I've always done it a bit differently than most people (although I know the experience is different for everybody), but I've no doubt that that's what it ought to be called... I first discovered what I'd later call soulbonding when I was maybe 9 or 10, when I saw a picture of Magus in Nintendo Power magazine. I had no idea what the game Chrono Trigger would be like, or who Magus was, or even his name... but there was a picture of him next to a screenshot of the Kingdom of Zeal, and I was inspired. In my imagination I pictured this strange magician living in a tower in the sky... I imagined identities for Magus before I'd even met his real one. Stupid, silly, or crazy as it might sound, I somehow feel as though I was meant to find him. We don't "talk" or anything; he's not a personality or even really a presence in my head... he's just a companion whom I've watched from afar, thought about, rooted for, and put through more than he deserves (^_^;) for all these years since then. One of the reasons I feel he's a SB, and not just a favorite character, is his staying power... he's been around in my thoughts for years, and he likes to stay there... I put Magus away for a couple months once, but then he came right back and refused to leave. :) I feel I really do understand what SBing is, you see. That's why those fangirls disgust me so.

...That made very little sense. :P

Anyway, onto happier topics. I was very surprised to see an episode of Dismissed (a dating show on MTV) today that featured gay guys as the participants. I have to applaud MTV for practicing what they preach. :) (Namely, their little campaign about "fighting for your rights", featuring various minorities.) And last Friday (the 15th) I purchased the most adorable little game... Okage: Shadow King for PS2. I have promptly become obsessed with Ari-kun. He's so KYOOT! XD And Stan's a riot. Well, the whole game is a riot, actually. Check it out if you get the chance; it's well worth your time.

That's all for today. Next time I'll have to discuss Silvus and Jarai, since I haven't mentioned them in here yet... wait, was Halcyon Elenya in any entries back there? >.>

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 8:38 p.m., Wednesday, February 20, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

I love Tokimemo. It's a shame Konami was never brave enough to release it in the US; then I wouldn't have this problem. XP

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 02:47 p.m., Friday, February 1, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

In MUCKly news, the TP has been called off due to lack of time--the important players weren't around enough, and it was causing some people to not be able to RP until the plot was furthered, so wizzie Skuld declared that Hermione and Sakura were returned to Hogwarts unharmed (but shaken, of course). I have no idea what I'm going to do with Percy now, LOL, but things should be getting more interesting for Sev. He and Herm are scheduled to have a little, uh, talk, later today. ^_^;

Rya-chan and I have had a very fun activity lately... we started a bit of fantasy RPG titled Halcyon Elenya... it's only our two characters at the moment, though, which is a real drag. The only good part about it is that we can do a bit of shounen ai without worrying about offending anyone n.n; but I wish we had more players.

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 02:50 p.m., Sunday, January 27, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

Anyway. Just read the most charming, droll, amusing story... 'Kore wa Atashitachi' (This is Us)... It's anime styled, and very cute. Not much so far but I'm looking forward to more. I wonder if the author would object to my using my modest talents on a manga adaptation? n.n I'll have to work on some chara designs.

PERCY~~ WAIIIIIII!!!! XD XD w3 1uv j00 w3a+h3rby :P

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 05:14 p.m., Sunday, January 13, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?

Well, it was way past time to archive the page, don't you think? That makes three archives now. This one probably won't fill up very fast, since I'm averaging only an entry or two per month right now. 9.9 But oh well, no big deal.

Second semester begins on Monday and I'm in heaven. I managed to pass Pre-Calc... and now I have my required 2.5 credits in mathematics, so no more math for me until college. *_* LIFE IS WONDERFUL. *_*

Meanwhile, I've managed to get myself obsessed with yet another anime: Sorcerous Stabber Orphen. Gorgeous. Just beautiful. The animation's great, the story is intriguing, the characters are endearing, and the seiyuu all give awesome performances... I can't believe this thing isn't more well known! XD The first volume is called "Spell of the Dragon"... if you've never seen it, I demand you go buy it now!! :P

I've really been wanting to write some fanfic about Bass/Forte lately. There simply isn't enough out there about the guy, and when people do write about him, it's usually just an excuse to pair him with Rock/Blues/Roll. (Not that I mind it--I'm big on Forte/Rock--but usually the fic consists entirely of the romance. I want some character development, dangit. ;_;) And there isn't even very much of that, at least non-hentai. Sigh. Being a Mega Man fan is hard work sometimes. ^^;

I applied for Percy at MahouMUCK, and time will tell if I get the guy (although I probably will). I have no idea what I'm going to do with him, though... ^^;;;

~loren leah glomped ari-kun @ 10:03 p.m., Saturday, January 12, 2002
~~~yak at her about it?